Are We "Done"?

Every Saturday, Mary at Owlhaven posts a new question for her Opinion Saturday and invites fellow bloggers to post our thoughts on our own blogs. This week’s topic is one that I think about periodically and ponder over whenever referrals or the waiting child lists arrive from China.

This week’s questions…When you think about enlarging your family, what are some of the questions and concerns that come to your mind? Was it or is it a difficult or an easy decision to declare yourself ‘done’ with having children? If your family is already complete, feel free to share the questions you had as you faced the issue in the past. When you decided, did you decide once and for all, or did you find yourself revisiting the question over and over?

If you were to ask my husband if we plan to add to our family, he would politely inform you that we are done. We are both in our early forties and we have two daughters – our youngest will be two years old next month and our oldest will be four (going on 16) years old in January. We have two children when, at one time, we thought that we wouldn’t have any. They are healthy and beautiful and energetic and sassy and smart. They test our patience and our parenting abilities frequently. And, they fill us with joy that we never imagined. In December of 2003, while we were still in China completing the adoption of our first daughter, we easily agreed that we would adopt again as soon as possible. As the kids say these days, it was a no-brainer!

Although I theoretically agree with my husband that we are done, we will not be adding any children to our family, and that our family is complete with the two children we have now…I often have a little flutter in my heart for another child. And, when I’ve brought it up, he hasn’t given me a definite, “No.” Even though I have that little flutter, I worry that adding another child to our family would upset the balance. After returning a year ago with our second daughter, we’re finally getting into the groove.

Soon after we submitted our paperwork to China for our second child, I began to worry that I would not love our second daughter as much and as deep as my first. I feared that I would favor one over the other. I worried that I wouldn’t have the endurance and patience for two children. Now that those fears and worries have been dispelled, I wonder why we wouldn’t add a third child to our family. And, what about a fourth?

I know that the time might not be right this year or next, but I don’t think that I fully believe in my heart that we will not add to our family. Sure, we’re getting older, but so are the children who live in orphanages or foster homes. As our family matures, I believe that we will continue discuss our options. What I do know for sure is that I have every confidence that God will show us the way. After all, he led us to China.

November 27...Updated to add that when my youngest daughter woke up crying this morning at 5:30 AM, she woke me from a wonderful dream. I was dreaming about receiving a referral for a baby girl in China. She was born on February 27, 2007, was in Guangxi province, and she was just 5 months old at the time of referral. Since we do not have paperwork in China, this referral could not be ours, but could be the referral for one of my waiting friends...time will tell. But the wheels in my brain are turning and there is a flutter in my heart this morning!