Learning Journey Never Ends

There you are…a couple, at the airport, checking your bags, making sure you have your passport and money safely tucked away, grabbing a bite to eat, waiting to board your flight. Strangers in the waiting area have no idea of the secret joy that you hold in your heart as you take another peak at the photos tucked in your bag. You are new parents, but you have yet to hold your child. You can almost feel her in your arms, her silky skin against yours. But, first you must endure twenty-four hours or more of travel half way around the world, usually some sightseeing with a group of fellow new parents, and likely a flight of a few hours to the province where your child now resides.

My husband, Chuck and I have made this trip twice. However, the experience is much more than a single trip. It’s a journey that begins long before you step on that plane and continues long after you return.

This week we celebrated the first anniversary of our youngest daughter’s adoption. And next month we will celebrate the third anniversary of our oldest daughter’s adoption. Prior to May of 2002, I never imagined that I would travel to China. And, I certainly never imagined that I would become a mother in a hotel conference room or a meeting room at a Civil Affairs office! We have been on our journey for over four years and we have a lot of ground yet to cover.

Before we received our referrals, before we stepped on the plane, before we held our daughters for the first time, I imagined in my mind what each experience would be like. Surprise! Surprise! Each experience was vastly different than I imagined it would be. In preparing for our journey to parenthood through international adoption, I read everything that I could get my hands on about China adoption from those who had gone before us.

While recently poking around on the Internet, I came across this blog post from Nancy Ashe, Editor of adoption.com and adopting.org. On March 6, she posted about “Mining for Gold” and says…”I set out to learn as much as I could, and of course I'm still learning... because each adoption experience is unique, and each individual's reaction to the same set of circumstances is different...” She goes on to discuss the value of experiences that can be found in blogs. “…bloggers bring us their stories, the issues, and knowledge gathered from their "one" experiences and mix them up with other points of view and resources. Those who take the time to comment, whether contributing experience, agreement, or disagreement, add to the whole and the end result is becoming something quite unique... a repository of information that is both broad and specific (a paradox, certainly) that will hopefully touch the reader who comes not so much to comment as to learn, or find a solution or an answer or simply a voice that resonates deep within.”

I am still learning too. I still enjoy reading the online journals of families just beginning their journey, waiting families and families currently in China. But, now most of my time is spent learning from those who have older children who were adopted internationally.

For parents of adopted children and those who are waiting, I encourage you to keep learning – keep “mining for gold”. There are thousands of parents who chronicle their adoption and parenting experiences online. As you read these experiences remember Ms. Ashe’s words: “…each adoption experience is unique, and each individual's reaction to the same set of circumstances is different.” Make an effort not to judge the parent or their actions or to become overly alarmed by any problems that you read about. My strategy was, and still is, to educate myself, be prepared for what could be a worst case situation and pray for the best outcome.

In addition to many blogs, I visit a lot of websites regularly and belong to several Yahoo! groups. Here are a few of my favorite websites and groups…

I especially enjoy reading referral announcements and travel journals on these sites:
The Story of You
Wish Upon a Stork (formerly Red Thread Girls)
You Belong

Helpful Yahoo! Groups and websites where I mine for gold:
Raising China Children
Post Adopt China
China Lifebooks
Adoptive Families